Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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