We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
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