it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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