I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
