Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
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