tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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