I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
