chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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