I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
