she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
