so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
