this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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