Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
