my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
