he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
