I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
