I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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