She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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