I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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