if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
wanna go halves on a baby?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
