I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
