I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
