We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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