I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
