CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
