and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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