She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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