I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
