honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
