So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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