There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
