If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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