As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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