There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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