Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
time to smoke my breakfast
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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