I think my vagina is haunted
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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