1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
