This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
please come you make the beer taste better
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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