wanna go halves on a baby?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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