First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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