ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
