Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
