she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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