girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
