He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
