Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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