You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
