By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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