dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
