It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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