it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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