What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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