im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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