i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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