Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
