Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
