oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
