either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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