my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
