Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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