3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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