i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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