i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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