Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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