I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize