Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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