his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
